When I was a kid being "self-conscious" hadn't occurred to me. Whatever tic came my way I released without restraint, vocal or motor. I had tics in my legs where I would be walking and have to stop and stretch the adductor muscle in my thighs. The urge to do this would pop up about every ten to twenty steps. I also had this piercing scream that lasted for about a .5 second burst. I would scare and startle people in the grocery store all the time, but it never occurred to me that it was something I should be embarrassed about until a moment in my preteen years when a girl in dance class asked me to move over because my slight shaking tics were scaring her. Despite my offering up an explanation, she insisted on increasing the space between us. From that day on, I was aware that I had Tourettes and was different. I began to care what people think which led down a road of extreme tic suppression and anxiety that I have spoken about in past posts.
Once that happens there's no turning back. These days my movement tics can get pretty interesting. Along with my usual shaking and facial twitches, my wrists will lock up for a few seconds stopping me from doing whatever task I'm working on. But what has been most interesting is my vocal tics. Nothing about me is quiet or subdued. Regardless of the tic it always comes out loud and forceful. The ones I express in public, most of the time, are nothing compared to the ones I share at the breakfast table. When at work, Church, or just running errands I emit unrelenting little squeaks, chirps, and trills. When at home, especially at breakfast when I'm in a good mood the most unusual sounds will come out of my mouth. It can get rather comical. I do a series of wolf howls, cat trills, and dog roos that make the household animals cock their head as if to ask me, "What's up?"
One of the best thing about ticcing around my four-legged friends is they don't really mind my tics and aren't critical of my ticcy actions. LOL I squeak and my tuxedo kitty, Maggy, trills and just looks at me with those emerald colored eyes of hers, asking to be petted. Sometimes when I launch into howling mode, my dachshund will look at me with concerned eyes and start howling along with me, which only serves to encourage me. Not only will other people's sounds and movements set me off, but so will my own. If something is especially palatable to my eyes and ears I am guaranteed to repeat it without warning.
Often a tic can be so spontaneous there is no premonitory urge or "itch to tic". This is part of the reason why Tourettes becomes so integrated into one's being. For us, barring the bad episodes, ticcing comes naturally and feels so as well.
That's wonderful about your pets!
ReplyDeleteI worried about my cats when I developed a growling tic. For obvious reasons most of them are very leery of my cappuccino maker because the steamer sounds a lot like a hissing cat. I thought, "There's no way they'll be able to tolerate my growling at them."
Like your Maggy, though, they just look up at me like, "Well THAT'S a new one," and then go on with business as usual.
You can't beat friends who don't judge. The furry cuddly bit helps, too, but it's great not to be judged.