Dear Teacher, Mentor, or Employer:
My entire life you lot having been telling me how slow I am, that I need to "pick up the pace." Each time one of you came to me saying something like this, wanting to please you and ever wanting to improve personal performance, I have endeavored to observe and take to heart any little tips that will help me speed up my work. Let me tell you something, when a person has Tourette Syndrome, among other things, veering away from what has become my norm is always a challenge, especially when learning something new. More on that later.
I remember the first time someone told me I was too slow and needed to "speed it up." It was art class in first grade. The second time was gym class that same year, because even though my knees were hurting me so badly that I could barely walk, let alone run, the so-called gym teacher didn't believe me and insisted that I complete my final mile long lap around the playgroud while the other children stood in line waiting for me to finish. Talk about humiliating. From there it was Girl Scouts, dance class, high school, and every single employer I've ever had.
You think it's because I'm lazy or don't care very much about my job? Let me tell you that I am probably one of the hardest workers that will come through your doors. I am prepared to go above and beyond my duties. Yes, sometimes it does take me a little longer than your "average" person. Sometimes I ask a lot of questions because I'm a perfectionist and want to be sure I have it right. I am a methodical person who cares more about quality, than quantity and when you ask me to speed up, you are only jeapordizing my efficiency and my ability to produce good, thorough results.
Having Tourette Syndrome makes me a high strung person. You think I'm lackidasical, while inside my nervous system is constantly running on "high" and the only way for me to keep it in check is to apply extreme focus to whatever task is put before me. You don't see the epileptic fashion in which my motor tics present themselves whenever I'm at home and am exhausted, stressed out, and/or just plain trying to relax. You don't hear the rain forest that is my vocal tics when I'm in the comfort of my own home and can finally release them without fear of scorn or rejection. You barely see the tip of the proverbial iceberg. In other words, it takes a lot of energy and focus to hold all that in and function out in the world and I'm doing the very best that I can.
You think I like hearing everyone and their mother tell me that I'm too slow? Walk a day in my shoes, taking the everyday criticism that your average subordinate does and add in a constant reminder of the area that you have seemingly fallen short in your whole life and tell me how how that affects your self-esteem and your job performance. Let me know how long you continue to do a good job and, further more, take some pleasure in what you do. Not long... Pretty soon you began to feel smaller and smaller, because nothing you ever do will be good enough and you will never measure up.
In closing, I want to do a good job. I want to do a great job. I want to accomplish my duties to the best of my ability and be able to go home at the end of the day feeling that I did just that. I'm bound to make a mistake now and then, but I want it to be because of simple human error, not because I was trying too hard to go beyond my capabilities in a failed attempt to keep up with a 'Now Society'.
P.S. Here is a link if you want to know more: Tourette Syndrome
